A Day at the State Park...Alone.

Today I went to the State Park - alone. After much effort and no success to get others to come along, I decided to kayak and hike by myself. If you know me at all you know that I do not like to do anything alone. In my opinion, any activity, chore, trip, job, or errand is always better with someone at your side. It is true that I'm an extrovert and gain energy from being with people. But today, as I paddled around the lake and hiked up and down Texas-sized hills by myself, I realized that I have an almost unhealthy need to be with another human being constantly.

Obviously, God created us for community. We need each other! The very nature of God is one of companionship...the Trinity. But it's come to the point that I cannot be by myself for two seconds or I go crazy! This is not good.

So today, I went to the State Park - alone. I tried to focus on the birds chirping, the wind blowing my hair, the sun warming my skin, the smell of fresh pine needles, the sound of crunching leaves, and the taste of a sweet apple and mozzarella cheese stick. In the silence, I found that my head was full of distracting thoughts and was incapable of being quiet for even one second. If anything was accomplished today it was this - I got to enjoy the incredible beauty of the Creator, realize that I have an unhealthy need to be with people all the time, and recognize all the thoughts that are holding me back from freedom and focus. The victory seems small and nearly meaningless, but I believe the Lord is doing his work in my heart slowly and gently. Praise him for his patient and loving discipline and pruning. It's hard, but so worth it!

While I was out there I read 1 Corinthians 2.

 ¹⁰ But it was to us that God revealed these things by his Spirit. For his Spirit searches out everything and shows us God’s deep secrets. ¹¹ No one can know a person’s thoughts except that person’s own spirit, and no one can know God’s thoughts except God’s own Spirit. ¹² And we have received God’s Spirit (not the world’s spirit), so we can know the wonderful things God has freely given us.

How I long to know the deep secrets of God! How I yearn to know his heart and understand his ways! But these verses tell me that it is impossible to know God's thoughts without his spirit. Unless his Spirit lives in me, I can never know the things of God. This sounds to me like the Holy Spirit is absolutely important in walking as a Christian. I don't know why, but that was a light bulb moment for me. I have been seeking love, not the lover. Seeking perfection, not the perfector of my soul. Seeking health, not the healer. Seeking peace, not the giver of peace. Seeking encouragement, not the encourager.

I have been seeking to have better behaviors instead of seeking Jesus! And when we seek only the behaviors, we end up empty, broken, failed, and defeated. I must seek Jesus, not spiritual practices or behaviors. Those are void of meaning, life, and love. Jesus is the only one who can give purpose, abundant life, and unfailing love.

Anyways, I am just rambling now. But today was a good day. Full of realizations and revelations. Now to soak those up and let them transform me.

Jesus, you have taught me new things today! Thank you! Please place them like a seal upon my heart and let them change me from the inside out. I want to know YOU, not just about you. I want to be in love with you, not just follow you because it's the right thing to do. Take me deeper, Jesus. Take me deeper. Amen.