Been a While

Well, it's been a while since I've written anything. And believe me, there is a lot to write. God has been active and loud in my life these past few weeks. However, I'm sure I haven't been listening as well as I have needed to.

Do you ever feel so overwhelmed with all that needs to get done in a day? And for some reason spending time with God is the first to go, even though I am well aware of the fact that it is the absolute most important aspect of my day. Satan knows what he's doing, hu?

But I don't want to give Satan credit. He's a liar, deceiver, untrustworthy, and selfish. He wants all the attention. So instead of talking about how Satan has tricked me into believing a few things this week, I'm going to talk about how God has reminded me of the truth! I want God's name to be lifted higher, and higher, and higher.

I am frustrated that I cannot get myself out of bed in the morning. My charming little alarm clock goes off at 6am every morning, and I press the off button every morning, only to continue hitting the off button for the next three alarms that go off after the initial one. Then I jolt from bed, throw in my contacts, brush my teeth, grab cereal on the way out the door, and drag into work feeling frazzled, frustrated, and disappointed. I feel powerless to rise and shine.

After a full day of draining work, I am feeling tired, emotional, and dry. I need time with Jesus so badly. So I plan to have a quiet evening at home only to discover that every night this week is booked solid with activities, events, and errands.  Not only that, but if I do get a night at home, I make poor decisions and end up watching tv or doing who-know's-what and wasting the entire evening on pointless, life-sucking distractions.  I feel powerless and defeated.

It seems like my nights and mornings have been taken captive by the master of distraction. Yes, I need sleep. Yes, I need time to socialize or veg out. But honestly, I'm totally drained and feel like my life is a mess right now. All I want is to have the strength to get up early, take a run, sip some tea, and read my Bible. All I want is the ability to say no to draining activities like television and facebook and get some real rest with my King. Why am I in this sick cycle? How do I get out!!!

So this is my prayer tonight....as I leave you to go read my Bible and get some sleep.....

Jesus, please wake me up tomorrow. It is not a selfish desire, I want to spend time with you. But I feel powerless to get my body to move in the mornings. I'm disappointed in myself, but want to accept your grace and move forward. Help me to forgive myself, let go of past failures, and start anew. I want my mornings and evenings to be yours again. In your name, Jesus, will you reclaim my time and my efforts. I'm tired of being tired all the time. I'm tired of being busy all the time. I'm tired of being distracted by this world all the time. I need you desperately. I cannot even make the choice to choose you over this world without you giving me the strength to make that decision. I want to grow in my desire for you, fall in love with you more, until the things of this world mean nothing to me. Jesus, the first thing is this....wake me up in the morning to spend time with you. I long for it. I love you. Amen.