Shake Everything That Can Be Shaken

This past Sunday was a memorial Easter for me. Not for the reasons you may think. In fact, I was not rejoicing that Jesus had defeated the grave or that I now have the gift of salvation. I was not thanking him for the pain he endured to give me life. I was not singing songs about death and resurrection with a joyful and grateful heart. I did not sing at all.

About thirty  minutes into the service, I could not hold it in any longer. So, in my bright pink silky dress and tall black heels, I sat on the edge of the curb in the parking lot, and wept.

In the past six months a lot of things have happened that have made me question what I believe. Don't get me wrong, my relationship with God is still strong and growing. But what I thought I knew about God, the church, and the Bible has all the sudden been challenged. I won't get into the details of why these things have been challenged, but it's enough to say that I was left scared, insecure, confused, and weary.

After a reassuring conversation with a dear friend from college, I realized what's been happening and why it's so frightening.

^"At that time his voice shook the earth, but now he has promised, "Once more I will shake not only the earth but also the heavens." The words "once more" indicate the removing of what can be shaken—that is, created things—so that what cannot be shaken may remain."  Hebrews 12:26-27

Jesus is shaking everything that can be shaken.
 
I've been clinging onto religion more than onto Jesus. I've been obeying rules but having no mercy. I've been so black and white and legalistic. And all the sudden those worldly things are being stripped away and I'm not sure what's left.

So I am now on a new journey to discover what is left when everything is shaken.

And how do you completely discard your theology and rebuild it to be stronger, purer, and more biblically sound?

God is emptying me of all I have believed my whole life. And right now I'm a blank slate, empty, and vulnerable. But soon he will begin to rebuild, refill, and strengthen. It is a scary place to be. It seems that there is nothing to hold onto. But that's the point. Jesus wants to take all the religion, rituals, and rules away so that all I have left to cling to is him.

A wise friend told me last night......"When you want build your faith, pray and read the Word. It's that simple. The spirit will teach you and guide you to the truth if you just pray and read." 

I'm willing to go through a season of having to say "I don't know what I believe about that yet" and being humbled in my lack of understanding in order to gain more freedom, knowledge, and love for Jesus. I want to know that I know that I know what I believe and why. I want to have confidence in those things again. The only way that happens is if my theology is built on Jesus' words.

And so now I am focusing on Jesus' words. I'm starting in John. One day at a time, trying to discover what it means to live and look like Jesus. Trying to understand what Jesus wanted the church to look and be like. Trying to understand what's black and white and what is okay left gray.

I believe that I have been very wrong in some of my beliefs and I'm excited to be reshaped.

Jesus, please lead and guide me to the truth. Please be my great teacher and use your Spirit inside of me to enlighten me and give me wisdom and knowledge. I want to know what you think about what a Christian is and who the church is. I want to know your theology. Teach me Jesus, teach me your ways and your heart. I love you and I trust you. I have peace even though I am scared and insecure. Help me trust you in this time of uncertainty.

Amen.

This is a song I've been listening to non-stop. Really speaks to my heart right now.

Fee: When Everything Falls Apart

You said
You´d never leave or forsake me
When you said
This life is gonna shake me
You said
This world is gonna bring trouble on my soul
This I know

When everything falls apart
Your arms hold me together
When everything falls apart
You´re the only hope for this heart
When everything falls apart
And my strength is gone
I find you mighty and strong
You keep holding on
You keep holding on

When I see
The darkness all around me
When I see
The tragedy has found me
I still believe
Your faithful arms will never let me go
And still I know

When everything falls apart
Your arms hold me together
When everything falls apart
You´re the only hope for this heart
When everything falls apart
And my strength is gone
I find you mighty and strong
You keep holding on
You keep holding on

Sorrow may last for the night
But hope is rising with the sun
Its rising with the sun
There will be storms in this life
But I know You will overcome

When everything falls apart
Your arms hold me together
When everything falls apart
You´re the only hope for this heart
When everything falls apart
And my strength is gone
I find You mighty and strong
You keep holding on